Cynical world view?

I pledge half-hearted allegiance to the flag of the United only by name States of America, and to the Republic for which it no longer really stands. One introspective nation under the God of materialism, indivisible unless there is a presidential election taking place, with Liberty and Justice for all unless any of the following apply: Innocent of any charges whatsoever, part of a minority, part of a majority, prisoner of war, prisoner on death row, ever done anything wrong in the past, part of any religious organisation, part of any non-religious organisation, trying to enter the country, trying to leave the country etc...

Terms and conditions apply, statutory rights are affected, any likeness to characteristics of the USA, real or ficitious, is entirely accurate.